A Bottle of Wine & 4 Hours Later

As Stephie would say, “It sounded like a good idea at the time.” Sure. I can grout my lamp on Sunday evening with a glass (read: a bottle) of wine. I’ll be done in plenty of time to get my beauty (read: brainiac) rest. As you now know, it took much longer than I’d planned to grout my Barbie Lamp. One hour turned into four. It’s Boat Dollars and Mosaic Minutes.

When I first began my current gig I worked with a super smart and rather quippy guy who raced sailboats. He taught me about “Boat Dollars”. Whatever you think you’re spending on your hobby, if it involves a boat, multiply it by at least 100. Well, I now think mosaic minutes operate in the same realm: make it a factor of 10, or hey, be adventurous, make it exponential.

This “trite” little Barbie project has proved to be more time consuming and tactile than I could have imagined. Yippee. Much better than I had dreamed…

There are a few Barbies left to affix to the lamp, there is some slight detailing work to do, I love it. I love it. It’s been the most fun. Come see her, “Light My Day Barbie”, on Sept 10th @ 50 Shotwell Studios (uh, 50 Shotwell, SF). She’s waiting for you.

Final touches to come…post will follow. Nighty Night.

Mr. Hunky Hunky - My Ken?

A few years ago I took up yoga and discovered the freedom and beauty of being completely present and in the moment. Granted the sensation is often short-lived and I need to check-in with myself regularly to return to my breath. Even in meditation and practice, I have to remind myself that I’m just supposed to be right where I am and not thinking about everything else my brain conjures up. For those who know me, they can understand how sometimes this takes a great deal of effort.

Last Sunday while grouting my lamp I decided to practice active presence. I was moderately successful and during those periods I felt one with my craft. This focus was frequently interrupted by a vision, a dream I’d had the night before.



Saturday night I’d had this wild dream about meeting “my perfect guy”. The quotes exist for two reasons: (1) perfection is an illusion and (2) he was blond. My concentration on the texture of the grout, on cleanly edging the china, was regularly interrupted by images of Mr. Hunky Hunky in his pickup truck whispering sweet nothings of Sabermetrics to me as I gazed at his blond locks and thick, muscular arms. The Sabermetrics part is totally me but otherwise I’d describe My Guy quite differently. In the past I’d dream that he was tall, tightly muscular rather than thick like Mr. Hunky Hunky, and he had dark hair and eyes. Don Draper, really, but without the cigarettes and affairs.

The irony of this interrupting dream is not lost on me. I’m deconstructing and reconstructing beauty and focusing on the female ideal: in china, in house wares and with Barbies – more than three decades of Barbie imagery designed to illustrate the perfect woman broken and reassembled. The lamp is a tribute to and alteration of women’s ideal beauty. This collective “ideal beauty” is marketed to us and we strive for as schoolgirls and then fight against as adolescents – our hormones and bodies running amuck. Few of us enter adulthood at 5’6” with a slammin’ 39-21-33 figure and feet only half the size of the normal women. According to the NY Times that’s only 1 in 100,000 women, or .001%. That’s a really small number. That would be about 3 women in the entire city of San Francisco (and that’s if you count the city as 50% women).

Back to grouting. And probably dreaming a little of Mr. Hunky Hunky.

What began with a shopping list

My notes for tonight’s entry began with a shopping list crafted early last Sunday: super glue & white wine. It was a week ago tonight and considerably earlier in the evening when I set out to “finish” the Barbie Lamp. Just typing those words make me snicker now, as it took longer that I’d expected and came with a few kinks in the plan.



Gravity & Grout
The lamp is a cylinder and to be sure, I’ve forgotten a good deal of my geometry and calculus., which would have been quite helpful in planning how much grout to mix. My first batch began with 3 tablespoons of grout and enough water to make is smooth like pancake batter, the kind you whip up for a tall, thick stack. While I generally begin applying grout with a Popsicle stick, I like to mix it up with a fork. I likely have just horrified my previous dinner guests and scared away any future ones, but the fork is better than a whisk, which whips in too much air, or the popsicle stick, which doesn’t blend well, for breaking down the powdery chunks into a smooth, fine grain.

My first batch may have begun with three heaping tablespoons of grout and just more than equal parts water (yes, I have dedicated measuring and mixing utensils for my art projects) but required a re-up at least 7 times. Along the way I stopped measuring, stopped, keeping track and just kept scooping (the wine likely contributed to lax data gathering).

Much like it took more china than I’d expected, I used WAY more grout than I had expected to. Lucky for me, I buy my grout in bulk (at least bulk for my projects even though it may be the smallest box I found at Home Depot) leaving me plenty to work with. Good thing since it took more than a cup of dry grout to polish this lovely lamp.


So how to grout the lamp? Why, lie it down on its side and gently spread the smooth, wet grout, just like have done with my previous pieces. But here’s the rub: the lamp isn’t flat. And I didn’t want to apply the grout in more than one session. Wouldn’t it just be my luck that rotating the lamp to apply grout around it while it’s on its side would send otherwise cured snippets of adhered china flying into the living room or crumbling on the counter under my – what I thought was gentle – roll of the lamp. So, the lamp had to stand tall and receive its grout.

Applying grout to a vertical object requires a bit of skill. While this is a skill tillers are well versed in, all my past projects have been flat objects lying down. The key here: thick pancake batter. Thick because gravity and thin grout are messy.

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

Well, or so they say. I have a great story for you tomorrow. I finished grouting the lamp today and affixed three Barbies. I also have a serious Krazy Glue problem on my fingers that I have to find a remedy for. All I can say is, "Wow! It's so pretty". Stay tuned.